Indecision
by xheartmehorrid
Summary: [ Asuka centric ] Asuka Tachibana has to make a choice. But in which direction is his heart pointed? Which will rule out in the end: love or infatuation?


Indecision  
Asuka centric.

Disclaim  
I do not own SCRYED. Yipee.

Premise  
Asuka Tachibana must inevitably make a choice. But which will rule out in the end?

Love or infatuation?

* * *

Introduction

Tachibana's First Person POV.

Cherise was there. When Kimishima Kunihiko and Kazuma Torisuna encountered "Mistress Ririri", endeared The Mantis Queen because of her soul-sucking Alter power the Mantis Strike, at the old pyramid site. When an endangered child was saved due to a certain Kazuma Torisuna's reckless but courageous antics. When Cherise accompanied Ryuhou on what seemed to be just another routine mission. When Ryuhou Ryu first came face to face with Kazuma Torisuna, The Treasoner so feared and admired throughout the wastelands. I believe it was a fated meeting.

Ryuhou's pre-occupation with the Shell Bullet and visa versa began the second they exchanged fists. Cherise was there. She told me about it later on when she and Ryuhou returned to HOLY's base sometime in the evening. Of course I asked.

I remember her helium-fed giggling around the rim of her coffee cup. A nonchalant flip of her hair - cropped aquamarine. That fucking hairclip. She smiled. Big bubblegum coffee lips. She had no idea. " . . . She said she'd heard of Ryuhou's Alter before." A statement concerning her ultimate romantic interest - of course a mock imitation was in order. She took on a false tone. ""It can't be! The silver Alter! This must be death!" There was loads of action. I think Ryuhou's starting to get a little famous." She smiled and crossed her legs under the table, leaning back to take a sip. " . . . That Torisuna guy is an undisciplined, untamed, untrained, psychological mess." She looked pleasantly disdainful.

Fingers curled tighter instinctively around my own warm marble mug. I think of how Ryuhou likes his coffee. Black - no sugar and no milk. That's how he is.

I drink mine with at least five packets of Sweet n' Low. Somehow though it still manages to leave a bitter taste in my mouth, warm and sour no matter how many times I tongue and prod the pallet to get rid of its unsweetened aftertaste.

I swallow. No coffee - just a mouthful of my own saliva. I didn't know I was so nervous. And Cherise is giving me a curious look.

"You feeling alright, Tachi?" She fingers the curve of her cup, easing back into her chair to flash a mile of sleek thigh and calves. Because she's so accustomed to being HOLY's official jailbait or for my special viewing pleasure, which it is I'm not so sure. How does she still manage to look so innocent?

" . . . Yeah." Shoving off from the table, I stand. "Just tired."

She shrugs and gives a small smile. "Suit yourself."

When she finishes off her late-night caffeine fix and, with the usual jaunty wave, heads off for the Level A sleeping quarters, I take my dishes to the sink and contemplate.

So he's taken an uncharacteristic interest in this "Treasoner". How unlike Ryuhou to single out a Native . . . Unless. He was . . .

No. Ryuhou is hardly that shallow. This rebellious Native could be an Adonis and he still wouldn't deserve Ryuhou's attention. Not with two sweet, good-looking girls like Cherise Adjani and Mimori Kiryu hot on his tail all the time.

Somehow that thought makes the uncomfortable twisting in my stomach worse, tightening my insides like a noose. I suddenly realize that I've been leaning over the sink for at least five good minutes, and that the hot water's been running to a boiling degree the entire time. I hadn't even noticed.

It's starting to burn and wrinkle my hands.

With a turn of the faucet handle the hot water hisses to a stop- steam rising off the soiled dishes underneath in near translucent ripples. Raw, pink fingers flexing for good measure, I too start off for HOLY's Level A sleeping quarters, to which those of our pedigree had been assigned by order of rank.

I can't help but linger a moment in front of Ryuhou's door before moving down the hall to mine. Would Cammie hate me if she knew? I can't bear the thought of her rejecting me too. Tonight, I put the framed picture of her smiling face under the bed. I don't want her watching me dream when I'm dreaming of someone else.

* * *

Mixed POVs.

Dream-time.

"_Because I was different we were targets in the wasteland. Those scared idiots killed my family trying to get to me. I lived under their terror for twelve years. They can all rot out there in the desert! They deserve to die_!" 16 - 12 4 . He'd been four when they came for him. Still a baby.

He'd been so little.

HOLY had been his refuge from trauma when he'd given up all hope. It was much more to him than just an organization through which he could fine-tune his Alter powers. Had HOLY not found him and come to his rescue . . . he'd still be with _them_. Or dead. Had that been the case, death would have been considered a welcome escape.

He'd never detail aloud those twelve miserable years of living as a basic captive in the clutches of a ruthless ring of sadomasochistic Native Alters, some of them just brutes. Still, to put it in the most pleasant terms possible, they did, beyond a reasonable doubt, deserve to die out there in the desert, rotting with the shit and the piss. He could hope that it would be under his hand.

"_I want to be loved. . .by my parents_."

You killed them. You killed them both right in front of me for no good reason. You murdered them all but it was me you were looking for. They had nothing to do with it. You were looking for me.

There was no reason. They didn't have to die.

I begged for their lives and no one listened.

No one listened.

"_I want to have close friends_."

Urizane. Mimori. Cherise. Cougar. George. Elian. Cammie. All of you.

Ryuhou . . .

"_Please, please_. . ."

Damnit Akira Mijyou.

He can feel the tears come streaming as her battle music echoes from behind him, around him, and inside of him. Warm. Aching. A grenade lodged in his heart - wanting to be loved, no; _begging_ - and he's never been so ashamed. Damnit Akira Mijyou.

"_Please, please. . . I want to belong_. . ."

I want to belong.

"If that's what you want, then go after it! If that's how you feel, act on your feelings!"

"But . . . can I do that? I've lived a lie. . .for so long. . ."

"It's a basic part of your DNA. It's the deepest part of you."

"I. . . I. . ."

He shifts onto his side, fingers curling and eyelids fluttering.

"It's good to see you."

"Is it really? I had thought you hadn't been enjoying my. . .attentions, these past few days."

"Oh no, I loved it."

Who is . . .

No.

"The guy's rude. He ignored my offer completely. . ."

Someone else's tears. It couldn't be- not him, not with Ryuhou. Not looking like that because of Ryuhou. Someone else . . .

Was this the future? The Eternity Eight opening his subconscious eyes, envisioning what would be, was that it? Lucid dreaming. He shivers.

_NP3228_.

When he bolts awake in bed, he can still taste his own tears, sticking to his cheeks. He clutches the covers and chokes on his quiet sobs.

No one listens.

* * *

"Commander Zigmar. I would like to request to be relieved from my duties for today." He leans forward, palms bracing on the man-in-charge's desk. He looked desperate, but resolved. Determined too. Perhaps a little too determined.

"Officer Tatsunami is willing to take my place on today's mission, and will efficiently handle the extent of my assignments, seeing as he had none previously to attend to when he accepted to filling in for me. He would be proud to serve in my absence. Sir."

Martin Zigmar folds his hands under his chin, fingers thoughtfully laced as he regards the young HOLY officer in consideration.

"Please, Commander. I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

He had to ease the stress on his mind. He needed to sleep and he needed to re-assess his feelings. More than any of that, he needed to see Cammie. Wound up like some kind of tight coil. . .he was an emotional jack-in-the-box, waiting to spring and snap. Zigmar looks him over. He almost squirms with the anxiety.

Zigmar gives him an elongated once-over. Scrawny. Small. Pretty. Desperate. His cheeks had paled from their natural bright exuberance- youthful eyes wide and dark. Young Asuka Tachibana looked ill.

He crosses his legs and half-turns in his chair, turning the other cheek to Asuka's delicate, if anxious face and bringing intertwined fingers to his lap. "Get some rest and be prepared to take on a replacement mission tomorrow morning. You are dismissed."

The sixteen-year-old cracks a grateful smile.

"Yes sir. Thank you sir."

Turning to take his leave, he had to bite back a startled gasp. Standing infinitely cold and dutiful right there in the doorframe was none other than HOLY's number one poster-boy, Ryuhou Ryu. His eyes augment and widen as he steps aside to allow the higher ranking officer passage.

"Commander. You wished to see me?"

"Ryuhou . . . Yes, just the man I wanted to see." This was Zigmar's fourth greatest pride. Of course he looked pleased.

Not to mention Ryuhou was a fucking angel-face.

Tachibana slips by quietly for the door, forearm brushing his superior's shoulder as he passes. Not even a glance was earned him. Was he so insignificant that he couldn't have his attention for even a moment when they bumped arms in passing? Was he?

_No_, he thinks.

_Ryuhou is on duty. I know better_.

A saddened pause, he looks up.

_Do I know you better, Ryuhou?_

He sighs when he gets back to his assigned quarters, kneeling to pull out the overturned picture frame hidden under his bed from the night before. Immediately the sunlight of a girl's smiling and sun-freckled face sheds a strange and familiar warmth onto his fingertips. He smiles back at her. "Cammie, I'll be there soon. I promise."

* * *

AN: Do tell if I should keep this up. If not, I have other KazuxRyu fics to attend to. 

And as for a question presented about drabbles in another review: Actually, I just really like drabbles. x) Ta da.


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